Tom Henderson tries to just get through school every day without getting his ass kicked or harassed in other ways by bullies, jocks, cheerleaders and sometimes even the teachers.  Tom and his only friend Sam dream up a way to get out of loser-dom; they decide to start a band.

Without instruments Tom dreams up album titles, band names and alter-ego names for their future selves that continue to change throughout the book:

Page 31:

"We worked out the details of the new band on the way to school.  The Plasma Nukes.

Logo: an intercontinental ballistic missile with a broken-in-half heart dripping blood on the side.  "Plasma" superimposed in fancy cursive and "Nukes" underneath in retro computer bubble writing.

Credits:
Guitar: Lithium Dan
Bass and Calligraphy: Little Pink Sambo
Vox: The Worm
Machine-gun Drums: TBA
First Album: Feelin' Free with the Plasma Nukes
Album cover: a woman's high-heel shoe on a chessboard with blood dripping out of it (front).  Band members' heads in jars on shelf (back).

At school, English teachers obsess over the classic book THE CATCHER IN THE RYE.  Tom refers to it as "The Catcher Cult".

Page 12:

"They [the teachers] live for making you read it.  When you do read it you can feel them all standing behind you in a semicircle wearing black robes with hoods, holding candles.  They're chanting "Holden, Holden, Holden..." And they're looking over your shoulders with these expectant smiles, wishing they were the ones discovering the earth-shattering joys of The Catcher in the Rye for the very first time."
 

I underlined the galley copy the publisher sent me like I just became a born again Christian...reading the Bible (new testament) and praising our Lord.  I'm envious and jealous of Portman for creating a first novel that nails character, theme & plot.  It's hard work to make it look and read easy, and that's just what Portman did. 

KING DORK perfectly balances humor and tragedy.  But that doesn't surprise me a bit, because Frank Portman is also known as Dr. Frank, the lead singer of the legendary punk band Mr. T Experience.  He's been hitting us with tragically comedic stories of loss and romance through his lyrics for almost twenty years.

I've been a fan of Mr. T Experience for years.....even got to see them a bunch of times with their original line up....but when a musician takes on the task of novelist I sometimes cringe and pray it's not like William Shatner recording music or Nick Cave's bloated novel AND THE ASS SAW THE ANGEL.

Nope.  King Dork stands on its own as a future classic.  It will be in my top five books for 2006, if not the #1 book.....we'll see at the end of the year.

Oh, John Green's blurb nails it: "This book is for you if you're in a band or wish you were, if you loved or hated Catcher in the Rye, if you like girls or are one, if you've ever spoken Francais or Franglais, or if your high school has or had a dumb mascot. Basically, if you are a human being with even a vague grasp of the English language, King Dork will rock your world."

And here's one other passage that I'll give you no reference for, but I triple underlined.

Page 100:

"....how would he have reached the conclusion that my "relationship" with "my girlfriend" was undermining his generation's sacred achievement of the institution of easygoing touchy-feely ouchless deodorant-optional crunchy-granola Hair-soundtrack butterflies-and-unicorns sexuality?"

Fucking hilarious!  Read it and see why.
 

Literary love,

Tony DuShane