Doug Draime - August 2007
 
THE TRUE STORY OF NOAH

Several thousand years after the flood,
Noah parked the ark in the New York
harbor, got off to get a chili dog
at Nathan's on Coney Island, took a cruise on the
Staten Island Ferry, and won 40 thousand
dollars in Atlantic City at the crap table. His wife. his sons, and
his son’s wives were all still dead asleep
on the ark. Noah had drugged them with massive doses of
Pamelor, Vicodin, and Effexor, so he could
get a little R&R, alone, without the
demands of domesticity. Everything was
beginning to annoy and outrage him on the ark. The daily
rut of keeping all the animals fed
and clean, and all the shit mopped up
was a 24/7 job in itself; they had to do it in
in 8 hour shifts. The constant bickering between the women
was becoming unbearable. And, for the last
couple hundred years, his sons had developed
the bizarre habit of walking in on Noah and his wife, Mrs. Noah, when
they were drunk and fucking, which had caused
his wife not to get drunk, and fuck
him, she just shut him off. Noah stayed away
from the ark for several weeks, going from
party to party at nights,
and playing the stock market during the days. He came back
to the ark a rich and satisfied man, only to be
appalled by the fact that no one had made the slightest effort to
clean up the animal shit. He knew what had to be done, and
threw himself right into it. When he was finished, there
was not a hint, a spot, a trace, or a whisper of
creature doo-doo. One clean ark, he determined! Then he drugged
them all again, fucked his sleeping wife, rented a car and drove to
Hollywood, where he is to this day contemplating that voice that
was booming from the sky thousands of years ago.




Doug Draime's latest chap is "Spiders And Madmen" (Scintillating
Publications, 2006). Most recent magazine and online pubs include: The American Dissident, Lummox Journal, Magazine X, Literary Chaos, Right Hand Pointing, E-Bych, St. Vitus Press & Poetry Review, Raving Dove, etc. A former L.A. street poet, he currently lives and writes in the foothills of Oregon.