She stood there, shrinking the six white walls around me, yelling, "I told you...now look what happens...I told you...you're a mess...this place is a mess...I told you...I keep telling you...you're a mess..."

 

I fumbled on my aching knees searching for my keys if only to get out from under her iron eyes.

 

We danced around the room, metal poles for spines, vulture's eyes for faces, and words laced with green poison.

 

"I keep telling you...what will you do in the future...lose yourself...hahahaha...your own self...I keep telling you...you're a mess...you lose everything..."

 

I swallowed and tried to block her out with a love song in my head. But her words only prodded me a bit harder on the ribs, bit my warm veins and finally I screamed, "You're not helping me. You're not fucking helping me. I fucking hate you, you stupid bitch."

 

She didn't understand my words and I didn't know how to put it so she would understand. She didn't stand down. It only infuriated her more. "I only said a few words...don't use that tone with me, Asha..."

 

I walked away but not before she smacked me with the same hands that willed me out of her womb.

 

I slammed the door feeling the imprint of her on me and wondered where I could go instead. The keys tangled from my fingers, found under the bed where I suspected it would be. But that was now besides the point.

 

I drove the deserted roads half blindly to his house. He was by my window before I even parked the car. I slid out and into his arms and I said, "Take me away from here. Please." I clutched his sleeves and felt stupid.

 

"What's wrong?" He touched my chin and wiped away the tears but they had already left permanent stains.

 

"Let's go away together." I remembered childhood dreams dreamt at the movies of runaway spirits and gorgeous skies.

 

"Where would we go," he laughed nervously, looking into my eyes. "Are you serious? What happened? We'll work it out."

 

"I don't want to work it out." I pulled away from his arms, from his pitiful eyes, and got into my car and sped away without staying to hear his protest.

 

I stopped by the hilltop and climbed to see the fat, yellow moon. Her words weighted me down like rusty hooks of anchors. I didn't get to see the moon before the cop cars pulled up by mine, killing the solitary peace. The bright lights flashed and swirled within the darkness, murdering my eyes and something else.

 

Maybe she'd be too worn out to fight I thought as they dragged me home like a bird lost. "Is life so horrible for you here?" she smirked after the armored knights left. "When I was growing up, we had nothing. I worked till my hands bled. I ate nothing but crackers for days. You think this is horrible?"

 

Pressing my cracked lips together, I moved past her to my room and turned the lock. She gave up after ten minutes of pounding on my door. I crouched in the corner and listened to music. I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Her words from the past kept running through my head, chasing each other, chasing me. "Look at you now...look at you when you were a child...look how pretty you were...now look at you...too much time lying around, eating, not enough time doing shit...I don't think you'll get in, dear...you're just not smart enough...see, you're not getting in, I told you, what did I tell you...you're useless...I only have one daughter...and I got you, pfft, a prodigy...I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, do you know that, do you..."

 

I couldn't breathe after a while. I looked out the window, at the way the street lights made the world orange like caramel. I dreamt of setting myself free, unravel my broken thoughts from her motherly chains. They'd catch me before long though. No sane human considered emotional abuse equal to physical. And perhaps a smack here and a twist on the ear there didn't equal purple bruises and broken arms. Hearing a gentle tap from the window, I glanced up and saw his face. My lips formed a genuine smile and I got up on the chair to hoist the glass up. "What are you doing here?" I whispered, our noses close.

 

"To take you away," he said with a smile, cold fingertips tracing my tear trails. "Come on. Can you get out?"

 

"Yeah. Give me a hand." I used the desk as my foot hold and he pulled me up.

 

We rolled over each other across the dirt yard trying to keep our laughter under control.

We got into his car and he drove through the dark. I didn't ask any questions. Anywhere but there. He didn't say anything either which should have tipped me off but I was too overwhelmingly happy to notice. He stopped in the back of the strip mall's parking lot and turned to me, turning off the Green Day song playing over the radio. "So..."

 

"So..." I said, searching his eyes for answers. "What are we doing here?"

 

He grabbed me and I realized he reeked of beer and smoke and possibly something else. His eyes glowed red and his skin shone white like stone.

 

"Wait...what are you doing..." I panicked as his lips bruised my skin and his hands crushed my bones.

 

"What do you think I am doing, baby."