I stopped into a vintage clothing store in the Haight and began trying on hats. There were maybe twenty or thirty of them on shelves to the right of the door. Homburgs, derbies, fedoras, even the occasional Borsalino, which I cocked to the side, recalling the figure the neighborhood capo cut in the second Godfather... turning this way and that... just dickin’ around.

I noticed one that was set off toward the corner of a shelf. It was a rich, earthy brown in color, with a black band over a modest brim. I felt shy about this one because I knew that it might work. I’d never worn anything other than caps, so this marked a sudden transformation in the mirror. I stared. After S. and the failures of two or three dismal rebounds, I had instantly released myself from a wearying months-long depression.

I looked sympathetic., and thought through things I’d done to arrive at this certain moment--- all the drinking and drugging, the restless bouts with sleep, the gambling, the myriad diversions--- and realized that all attempts toward an emotional collapse were just tricks and superficial devices of the truth. I had known this of course, but something as simple--- and ingenuous--- as placing a hat on my head brought me into focus.

I flicked the brim and chuckled (isn’t this what you do?), turning toward the woman at the counter. I thought she was grinning with an obvious sale but she’d been watching me the whole time. I was the only one in the store and she had been a witness to the whole private episode. Embarrassed, I said I’d take it.

“I think you should.”

Her grin widened, a piece of human understanding.

“This is a real nice hat,” I said.

I took it off and held it arm’s length, turning it from side to side, tilting it forward and back. This meant that I possessed a keen knowledge of hats, like an idiot knows a tire after kicking it.

I was giddy.

“I mean this is a...lovely...fucking...hat!”

“Yes it is.”

“Really!”

“I know. Powerful,” she said.

“Right!”

“Cash or credit?”

Pete Simonelli lives in San Francisco and is the lead singer of the Enablers.